Main Banner
What is anticipatory grief?
Usually people think of grief only as something you experience after someone you love dies. However, it's possible to feel grief when you know you are about to lose something that is important to you, before it happens. This is called 'anticipatory grief' and often happens when someone you love is expected to die.
Waiting for your mum or dad to die - and knowing you cannot stop it - can be just as overwhelming and painful as after the death has occurred. It can be a really confusing time, with many mixed feelings, and you might not be sure how you're supposed to act. If you're still coming to terms with what the news of their diagnosis means, it's normal for grief to show up even this early.
Why you might feel this way
Everyone in your family is experiencing their own feelings of loss and grief, but they may be showing it in different ways. They may also be trying to hide it. You might find it really scary or upsetting to see your parents so stressed, and you might miss the way things used to be. But grief is normal, and things will eventually settle down.
There will be lots of sadness, but there will be good days too - make the most of them. It can be important that you try to understand and get a handle on your grief, so that you have the energy to make the most of your time with your parent and say the things you need to say.
How to get through it
This is a sad and scary time, and you will need space, time, and some help. A few things that can make a real difference:
- Connect with other young people who've faced the same thing through Canteen Connect or peer support groups
- Talk to one of our professional counsellors - free and confidential
- If your parent has moved into palliative care, know that the good days and bad days you're feeling are a completely normal part of this stage
